Solomon's Way

About Mediation

What Is Mediation?

Mediation is an established process of dispute resolution that uses trained, neutral third parties to help groups or individuals find their own solutions for specific conflict in their lives. In mediation, everyone has the opportunity to express their own perspective, take responsibility for their role in the conflict, and advance ideas about how to move forward in reconciliation. During the mediation process, mediators act as a sounding board, assist the creative ideas process, help all parties participate fully, facilitate communication and understanding, and ensure that the environment is a safe and respectful one. Although mediators may write any final agreement, they do not impose their own solution on the parties.

How Does Mediation Differ from More Traditional, Legal Approaches to Conflict?

Most of us are familiar with at least a caricature of the legal world. We have all watched TV and movie courtroom scenes with their high-stakes drama, investigative tours-de-forces, and brilliant debaters. Unfortunately – besides being highly exaggerated – such depictions fail to portray the considerable downside to legal procedures. For example, we rarely hear that very few lawsuits ever make it to court—most are settled by attorneys, working in their own offices, with motives often at odds with the individual parties. Mediation, on the other hand, advocates a face-to-face encounter where the parties themselves arrive at an agreement that they choose together.

Legal remedies are also extremely costly in both time and money, the latter often finding its way into the pockets of the “winning” party (and its lawyers) only. Mediation, on the other hand, is well-known for being time-efficient and cost-effective. especially compared to the lengthy and complex process of litigation. Also contrary to the experience of most laypersons dealing with the law and court system, mediation is a process that is readily comprehensible and sensible (It simply makes sense!) to the parties most invested in and affected by the outcome.

Finally, mediation focuses on how people can learn to deal with conflict in an ongoing way. It seeks to foster good relationships among all the parties who, in turn, desire a positive outcome for all participating in the process. This is, again, in stark contrast to the legal world, where the prevailing attitude is “know your rights” or “watch your back.” In mediation, those involved in conflict seek to take responsibility for their part in the dispute, as well as for any resolution and agreements that they reach.

How and When Does One Initiate the Mediation Process?

Mediation can be used in situations involving two people, several people, or large groups of people. Mediation is most likely to succeed when there is third-party oversight and accountability; when those involved understand the process and goals of mediation; and when all are willing to work toward achieving a lasting, equitable, honest resolution. It is especially useful when people are interested in maintaining long-term relationships.

How Does the Mediation Process Work?

Initiating Mediation
Mediation begins when one or more persons decide they would like to resolve a conflict. At Solomon’s Way, an interested party simply contacts me directly for an initial discussion or appointment. I will ask for a brief synopsis of the issues involved and a list of those who have been part of the dispute or who would be helpful to the process.

Preliminary Discussions
Once someone requests a mediation, I will contact those who have been mentioned as potential participants. Because mediation is an entirely voluntary process, all interested parties must agree to attend. Persons declining participation are not required to give reasons for their decision.

If there is an agreement to mediate, I then set up initial meeting(s) with each party separately to discuss the process, purpose, and possible outcomes of the mediation. At that time, we will also discuss the primary issues that will be under consideration for dispute resolution. These preliminary conversations may occur in one meeting or several, depending on the complexity or issues involved. After these preliminary discussions, I will schedule the mediation proper at a time and location that is neutral, comfortable, and convenient for everyone. The mediation proper is when all participants and the mediator will finally meet together.

In between the preliminary discussions and the mediation proper, each party will spend time in prayer, reflection, and practical preparation. Each party will be encouraged to write down what they consider the key issues they themselves need to address—including their own role in the conflict, their hopes and goals for the mediation outcome, and the guidelines/principles they will “own” throughout the mediation process.

The Mediation Proper
The mediation itself is an opportunity for each participant to listen carefully to others’ positions, as well as to express their own thoughts and feelings. A primary goal in the mediation is for each party to acknowledge its role in the conflict and to understand more fully the other participants’ issues and concerns. The ultimate goal, then, is to find a resolution to the conflict.

Since everyone participating must agree to any decisions/outcomes that result from the mediation, each party is encouraged to come with constructive ideas for potential resolution and reconciliation. (I as mediator can help with this process beforehand.) A successful mediation typically involves an active offering of ideas by each party so that the entire group can consider all their options. This kind of openness to a wide range of possible solutions requires mutual respect, courage, and active participation in the mediation. While the mediator’s role is to help parties maintain courtesy and momentum in a safe and accountable environment, the parties themselves have primary responsibility for the order and results of the mediation.

The Outcome of Mediation

If all parties come to a resolution at the end of a mediation, an “Agreement” is typically formulated with the help of the mediator. Most agreements are written with specific terms of actions that each party will take, time frames for those actions, and consequences if someone fails to honor his/her responsibilities. Some groups may decide not to write down their own conclusions at the end of the mediation. They may decide to recruit a third party to help them monitor and be accountable for their agreements. I am available for such services. Still others may decide on a verbal agreement only and to keep the results entirely private.

If you have more questions about mediation, please don’t hesitate to contact me by phone or email.

Mediation: For most of us, the word may conjure up images of sweaty men closeted behind closed doors in a smokey room negotiating a union contract or lawyers in expensive suits calling “Time out!” between warring spouses in a divorce settlement.

For those of us who believe mediation is the best alternative for dispute resolution, however, the focus is much less on adversarial negotiation and much more on the best interests of all parties. While many negotiators (and some mediators) envision people dividing up a fixed pie, we like to go outside the crust, so to speak, to find alternative solutions that include creative ideas with benefits for all. If there is a pie, let’s share in it together.

Just as importantly, we don’t think solutions to conflict should be “found” primarily by a mediator or any other third party. Over the years, results have shown again and again that conflict resolution works best when all parties propose and agree on a solution together. The mediator facilitates and guides the process towards resolution, but the conflicting parties themselves play the main role in finding a “solution.” The outcome of mediation should always be “doable and durable,” goals that work best when everyone understands and owns both the process and any final agreement reached.